Breaking News: Gerry McCann is Missing


Leicestershire police have today begun a missing person’s search for deranged doc, Gerry McCann.

Gez hasn’t been seen in public since his ill-fated appearance on BBC Crimewatch months ago.

He got the shock of his life when Met officers released a picture of their main suspect in the hunt for Madeleine McCann and he saw his own image on the big screen.

Gerry wantedooh err

Kate McCann takes up the story:

” After the Crimewatch fiasco, Gerry stormed home and raced upstairs to his room.

I went to check on him regularly (with several of our medical chums) and he seemed fine.

tapas palssicko david payne

A little later though, I peeped in and saw the bedroom window had been jemmied open.

jemmied windows

I was horrified to find that Gerry was no longer in his bed and raced out into the cul-de-sac shouting “they’ve taken him“, “the bastards“.

Rothley towers

I then spent several hours phoning media outlets, government officials and all of our many friends in high-places.

The police were useless and bungled the investigation into Gerry’s disappearance from the get-go.


They’re obviously trying to stitch me up  because for some unknown reason their cadaver dogs picked up Gerry’s scent all over my clothes.

Eddie and Keela

My first priority though was to set up a fake charity called the Find Gerry Fund, where naive members of the general public could donate to the search ( and help pay the mortgage).

Unfortunately, only 29p has been donated so far (thanks mum), but it’s early days yet.

I was fortunate to get Clarence Mitchell on board again and he helped design the excellent missing poster we’ve been plastering all over Rothley:

Gerry_mccann_mad_as_a_brushClarence Mitchell

After faking Madeleine’s abduction, we realised just how important clinging onto her ‘favourite’ toy, cuddle cat, was as a marketing ploy and knew we had to choose something similar for Gerry.

cuddle catRIP Maddie

After hours of soul-searching we finally settled on a pair of his crusting y-fronts because, much like Gerry, they’re absolutely full of crap.

Gerrys y fronts

As ambassador for the shady Missing Persons charity, I’ve been able to take part in sports events to raise money for the search, using VIP pimp Jimmy Savile as a role model.

Kate and Jimmy

We’re also selling good quality wristbands online, along with other pointless tat, and have placed donation buckets right across Leicester.


Our next step is to hire a group of fake private investigators to hinder the search, pay top PR reps to keep Gerry’s face on the front pages of every newspaper in the land and sue anyone who dares to criticise us.


Finally, a tell-all bewk is due out next month touchingly entitled ‘gerry’.”

Gerry McCann

Police officers have urged anyone with information about the whereabouts of Gerry McCann to call Sky News or the Sun as a matter of urgency so they can run a fake ‘sighting’ report.

( Further reading:

This strangely coincidental article was reported in Ireland shortly before the infamous Crimewatch episode: )












47 thoughts on “Breaking News: Gerry McCann is Missing

  1. Pingback: Breaking News: Gerry McCann is missing – vivicom4 Blog

  2. Pingback: Breaking News: Gerry McCann Is MissingAlternative News Network | Alternative News Network

  3. Pingback: Breaking News: Gerry McCann is missing | thecolemanexperience | circusbuoy

  4. This is terrible! I’m in bits! Call me Mr. Red Pill, but I KNOW that Gerry is innocent of any wrongdoing because MY paper TOLD me so, and so did my telly, and everyone else that I know agrees, so there! Please tell me how I can contribute all my available spare cash to the Find Gerry Fund (and it’s l associated legal team) ASAP. Take it as read, the fund is set to break the 63p mark!
    Incidently, was there any evidence that the windows had been jemmied open? I’m sure that there was, but I couldn’t quite find it in MY paper.

  5. The police asked Kate for a photo of the missing gerry so people would know who to look for. She gave them a photo of Jimmy Krankie.

  6. Omg I thought it was real about that pedo what a shame it’s not real. The truth would come out if it did happen to him or even her I feel sorry for the 2 boys I have 2p if that would help lol

  7. Off topic, just watching makin of dark side of the moon on sky arts (uk) when they got to ‘brain damage’ it was intercut with footage of heath, powell, jeremy thorpe, fatman smith & idi amin…. odd, thought i, no savile or ❤💩 royalty…??? 😰 great work & best wishes to you mr.c.

  8. I was wondering about Max Clifford, I wonder if he became some sort of threat to the Big Mac couple? maybe he was going to come clean about the truth of what became of Maddie and that’s why he was sent down as a warning to keep his gob shut?
    It might sound far fetched I know, but to be honest there’s nothing too far fetched in the world of conspiracies is there? It’s the things that you’d never believe that the elite would do, that they very often will do!

  9. The only thing missing on him is his moral compass, the two of them have lost there damn minds,another window jammied open?her husband missing? I’ve tried to give these two loons the benefit of the doubt, but their working my last nerve.

  10. He will have slithered away under a rock.. Don’t panic though, they will find him!

    Cause we all know they leave “NO STONE UNTURNED”

    Reblogged Many thanks. x

  11. Pingback: Breaking News: Gerry McCann is Missing | WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE??

  12. Check out What is happening to he needs support people he is been hounded for speaking the truth,please get the message out to all.

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