Britain has yet again flopped at the Eurovision song contest.
Despite a valiant attempt by Bonnie Tyler she limped home in 19th place.
That was only marginally better than last year’s dismal entry, Englebert Humperdinck.
It’s easy to forget that holier-than-thou Cliff Richard tried twice for Eurovision glory but flopped.
His first flop, Congratulations, in 1968, has now been blamed on fascist General Franco of Spain.
His second flop, Power to all our Friends, in 1973, may one day be blamed on Ted Heath.
There are many voices calling for Cliff to be given a third bash at the title.
Those voices are possibly unaware of Cliff’s present predicament.
Cliff has been named as a visitor at the notorious Elm Guest House.
Cliff went under the pseudonym, Kitty.
Cliff may well be a person of interest to Operation Fernbridge and Operation Yewtree officers.
Cliff is rumoured to have taken out a High Court injunction to prevent the press releasing further details.
Cliff may not be able to commit to a 2014 Eurovision gig.
Cliff may well be… how can we put this?
Poor old Cliff.